We Be Clubbin'

This track comes to you courtesy of the soundtrack of The Players Club, a sadly underappreciated film from the directorial oeuvre of Ice Cube. If you're not that familiar with the work of Mr. Cube, be reassured that it is definitely Our Kind Of Razzmatazz.

However, we're here today to discuss a different kind of clubbin': Book Clubbin'. Now, I know what you're thinking: What. The. Fuck. Dude, this blog is supposed to be about all kinds of manly shit and... book clubs? We're talking about BOOK CLUBS?

Now just calm down and let me explain. Yes, it's true that the reputation of the modern-day incarnation of the Book Club bears some unfortunate connotations, including finger sandwiches, lace tablecloths, and Oprah Winfrey. Most men would probably opt to skip that noise in favor of something REALLY fun, like a prostate exam. At least that will help you find out if you have cancer. On the other hand, scientists have suspected for years that Oprah Winfrey actually causes prostate cancer. The choice is yours. To be fair, some of that reputation is deserved. Let's be honest: there's a reason that Oprah has a Book Club as opposed to, say, Jay-Z. For the most part the Book Club has become a female phenomenon, possibly involving bored housewives getting tanked on mimosas and discussing who has the hottest pool boy. At least that's what we at MKOR are envisioning.

"Yo, I could NOT PUT DOWN 'The Lovely Bones', dawg."

Needless to say, this is a pretty sorry state of affairs. However, things weren't always this way. Getting together with your boys to discuss intellectual pursuits used to be an exclusively manly affair, dating back in recorded history to some MKOR heroes of the past, including guys like Aristotle. Hell, women weren't even really allowed to take part in elite higher education until the last half-century or so. The tables have turned somewhat since then, sport. More women than men read books today. Higher education is steadily becoming more of a female enterprise than a male one. Meanwhile, men seem to have set their intellectual sights a little lower. Ever watch Spike TV? Then you know what I mean.

Well, the time has come to turn the tide, brothers. Better start now because women are getting smarter, we're getting dumber, and the time of feminine dominance is at hand. Like Planet of The Apes, but less hairy. Think I'm joking? You won't be laughing when you're living in an XY Internment Camp and the highlight of the day is when they come to harvest your genetic material to produce male drones to perform vital tasks like opening the cap of the strawberry preserves. Eventually the femi-scientists will figure out how to synthesize Y chromosomes and there goes your job security too. So we're taking it back - and we're starting with the Book Club.

The first rule of Book Club is...

Now let's get one thing out of the way up front: you're not doing this to meet women. Yes,until this movement achieves Fight Club-style momentum, it's likely that 80%+ of your book club participants will be women. Yes, some will be attractive. Yes, many will be impressed by your ability to discuss J.M. Coetzee's allegorical work in the context of Southern African history and that time that you went bungee-jumping at Victoria Falls. Nonetheless, you can't go into this with the idea that you're going to be picking up chicks. In fact, when you do go to your book club meeting, take a look at the hottest chick in the room. She's something, isn't she? I bet she has a funky ribbon in her hair and she's wearing sexy-librarian glasses. Okay, now look away dude, you're creeping her out. Anyway, here's the uncomfortable truth: you will not be having sexual relations with that woman. Sorry Poindexter, that's just the way the finger sandwich crumbles. MKOR scientists have determined that the reason is related to one of the great paradoxes of life: doing things for the express purpose of meeting women or to impress women usually does not become a coitally-successful endeavor. Admittedly, there's a lot of confounding involved here, but the reason is probably related to the fact that you're already in a situation where you actually HAVE to do things for the purpose of meeting women instead of it just happening in the course of your normal activities. Something went wrong somewhere along they way and your time would be better spent figuring out what that is. Of course, if this strategy DOES work for you and you are the kind of guy who can do this and bag the sexy-librarian-glasses chick, then please write to the MKOR corporate office immediately, because YOU are the one who should be running this blog and we'll gladly turn the reins over. Until then, let's just consider this MKOR Rule #1 of Meeting Women: don't do things to meet or impress women, do them because you want to do them (the things, not the women).

We'll make an exception if Tina Fey is in the Book Club

But we digress. Let's just agree that the reason that you want to do this is because you actually want to read more good books and discuss them with smart people so you fully appreciate them. You're going to need two things: (1) a group of people, and (2) a book. As far as people go, you're either going to start your own club or join somebody else's club that's already going. In any case, choose wisely so as to avoid winding up in the middle of that pool-boy discussion. As far as books, splitting the gender divide is usually a good strategy. Try to find the middle ground between Oprah's Book Club and Chuck Palahniuk. So here's my story: the book club I scored an invite to does in fact range from 90-100% female, but it's a smart group and they do smart things like circulating discussion points before the meetings. The book selection is also pretty good. This month's selection was "The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz, which is a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, and they don't just give those away to any random chick-lit fluff piece. I assume this is because there are men on the committee, unless the men are there for the purposes of meeting chicks, in which case, joke's on them: see MKOR Rule #1 above. Anyway, as far as the book goes, it comes highly recommended; you can read the glowing New York Times Book Review writeup here and buy it from Amazon here.

So, having secured a group and a book, only one thing left to do: dress thyself. Now, let's not go crazy. In all likelihood your club is going to have a pretty casual get-together. However, as an MKOR reader, you're obligated to stand out of the pack. Therefore, I present to you MKOR Rule #1 of Style: try and predict how the crowd will be dressed and turn up the dial by exactly one notch. Go with a preppy look to try and recapture some of that 50s vibe, a time when guys totally used to have book clubs all the time [disclaimer: we don't actually have any proof to back up that assertion]. Try some ankle chinos with the timeless Clarks desert boots and no socks. Since you're all-neutral below the waist, pop in some pattern/color with a short-sleeve patterned shirt. If you're generally into this sort of thing, pay a visit to our friends at Ivy Style - nobody does it better.

Chris Evans is rocking a similar look, and who do you trust more than Captain America?

Now then... you're all set, right? Go out there and kick some literary ass! Psst, don't forget to read the book before you go. Or you better have some damn good pool-boy stories to pass the time.


IN OUR NEXT EDITION: "Wait, you mean I have to bring food to this thing too???"